kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
