Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
