Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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