I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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