i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
