dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
time to smoke my breakfast
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
