had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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