it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
