You're my little dorito
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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