i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
