i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
