Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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