I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God, I missed his penis.
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