tell your sister to shave her snatch
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
