Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
