Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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