i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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