why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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