well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
