Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
