i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
