i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
