Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
