This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
