So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
