i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
