last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
