suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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