Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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