and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
