I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
