My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
