remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
