glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
