i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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