Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
