Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
