im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
