I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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