So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
