Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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