True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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