That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I see more hoeing in ur future
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