I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
