And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
