my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can't special order awesome
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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