Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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