Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
