So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
