The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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